In the article 13 Common Parenting Tips the Experts Think It’s OK to Ignore, one of the 13 stuck out to me. We recently had a “come to Jesus” meeting with my daughter and son. They seemed to think that when we tell them to do something it’s us ASKING for them to do it.
I didn’t quite realize that this was my kids interpretation of our instructions to them until I read the article and found this:
Tell your child do something rather than ask.
Dr. Chris Norris, chartered physiotherapist, neurologist, and Clinical Associate Professor at The University of California, tells Woman’s Day that many parents now request their children to do something instead of just asking. For example, if someone wants their 4-year-old to tidy up, they say, “Can you put your toys away?” and follow with, “Now, OK?”
The problem lies in that last OK. Dr. Norris explains that when you do this, “your child hears a request and assumes that he has the option of not doing it.”
“You relinquish your authority and drag out the process of getting your child to do what you need him to do,” he explains. “When your child ignores your ‘request,’ you’ll repeat yourself and lose your patience. Then no one’s happy.” Instead, he recommends being more clear and using words like “please” and “now.”13 Common Parenting Tips the Experts Think It’s OK to Ignore
It was that last OK that got to me.
My mind was blown as I started to do a little bit of an inventory on how I speak to my kids and I realized that I use that last OK all the time. I don’t know exactly why it gets pot on the end of my requests. At this point I don’t care if my kids feel like I’m their friend or not, but somehow I don’t like to be super strict with them when I ask them to do something. I want it done of course, but maybe I’m too laid back…maybe too passive until I reach my breaking point.
I’ve noticed that their has gone on a lot especially since COVID hit and we are balancing homework and free time. It’s hard to make my kiddo do ah hour of homework after sitting in front of a screen all morning. Breaks and negotiations seem to be the only way to cope.
Are you someone who tacks on that last ok? Even if you aren’t a mom talking to a kid, that last ok can sneak up into your vocabulary and ruin a perfectly good persona making you sound a bit weak. Be strong. Eliminate that last ok and see what happens! Tell me about it when you do!